


salt in all things (the ocean and your tears are one)

by nevershootamockingbird



Category: Hawaii Five-0 (2010)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fix-It, Gen, Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, and it thankfully works, people actually talk about feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-09-08
Packaged: 2018-08-13 20:54:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7985848
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nevershootamockingbird/pseuds/nevershootamockingbird
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“I’ll still be here in the morning,” he promises, soft, and her eyes fall shut as she leans into his knuckles. Steve pulls away slow as he watches her sink further into the mattress, her body unwinding in a way he’s certain it hasn’t in a long time. </p><p>“Me too,” Catherine slurs, and her eyes stay shut but her hand twitches towards the heat of his body like a homing beacon. “I’ll be here, too,” she breathes out, and then she’s gone, asleep before Steve can even catch his breath.</p>
            </blockquote>





	salt in all things (the ocean and your tears are one)

**Author's Note:**

> Here's another fix-it fic! This one is a lot more painful than the last one though, or at least it is for me. I love Catherine so much (bby I'm sorry I hurt you like this), and I love her and Steve together, sooooo here we are. Danny is the most wonderful best friend anyone could ask for, Steve actually talks about his feelings before it's too late, and Catherine acknowledges her wrongs and mistakes. Life moves on. Hope you all enjoy!!

Danny finds her out on the sand.

She looks smaller than he remembered, but maybe that’s just what nine months of radio silence and no visits does to a person. He wants to be angry, God, he does, but he’s so tired of that. Besides, she doesn’t need that from him, even if he knows she thinks she deserves it. Maybe Danny thinks she does, too, but he’ll never admit it, not to her.

Danny wouldn’t have made that decision three months ago, three days ago, not even three hours ago, but things change. Life doesn’t care about his feelings, about any grudges he wants to hold, about the aching raw feeling in his chest. Life takes when he wishes it would give, and Christ, Danny is just tired of life not giving two shits about the people he loves.

Catherine’s face, when he’s finally standing in front of her, knocks the breath out of him. Danny doesn’t sit so much as stumble down into the sand, heart beating loud in his ears, clasping his hands together in an effort to still the shaking.

“Cath,” his voice is weak, and he’s not even sure what he’s trying to say, feels his throat close right around words he hasn’t even formed yet.

Her face looks like one of Grace’s paintings from third grade, colors everywhere they shouldn’t be, and Danny has a brief, crazy urge to find a picture on his phone just to compare Catherine to.

“Steve still asleep?” Her voice is raspy, hoarse, and Danny’s sure he would sound the same if he had the marks on his throat that she does.

“Yeah, uh, yeah, he’s out. How-” she cuts him off before he can finish the question, voice blithe.

“He was getting a migraine, so I told him I’d get him asprin-” she starts, smiling humorlessly as she goes on, “- since I still remembered where it was. Slipped him one of my sleeping pills instead.” Catherine keeps her gaze steady on his as she talks, and Danny can tell she might not be proud, but she isn’t ashamed, either.

“Honestly, can’t say I wouldn’t have done the same,” he admits, lips quirking up briefly before shaking his head. “Past couple of days he’s had, super SEAL definitely needs the rest.”

They lapse into silence after that, just the sound of the waves and the occasional bird disrupting the peace, and Danny wants so badly to pretend that it’s just like things used to be. Catherine looks like she does, too, when she manages to catch his gaze, but they both spend more time looking at the sky than at each other.

“Why are you here, Catherine?” He asks when he’s finally had enough, and Jesus, when did he start sounding so tired? She looks at him, then, sad gaze meeting his, and Danny has to exhale slow to keep his heart beating steady through the pain. As much as he wants to hate her, fuck, he can’t stand what she’s going through.

“I was just trying to come home. I’m so tired,” Catherine admits, voice weary, and the emotions he’s been pushing flare up at her answer, quick and sudden.

“Home, huh?” He knows he sounds bitter, but he can’t stop himself now, couldn’t stop if he tried. “You got a funny way of showing where home is, you know that, right? Most people, home is a place they stay, not a place they _run from_ ,” he snaps, but then she just looks like he agrees and the anger all drains away. Danny regrets the words already, but he doesn’t see any pain registering on Cath’s face. He sees a dull acceptance, too calm, and his heart starts racing all over again because, “Cath, honey, no-”

“It’s okay, Danny. I know he doesn’t want me; I guess I just came to say goodbye this time.” She’s almost smiling, reaching out for one of his hands, and Jesus, they’re still shaking. “I’d ask you to take care of him, but I know you already will. Just don’t break his heart, too, okay?” Her hand is so small around his, and she’s shaking too, tremors that he can’t distinguish between being from pain or nerves.

“You can’t,” he urges, hand closing around hers, and she looks surprised, God, she’d been ready for them all to kick her out of their lives. “Catherine, no, you cannot leave,” and she’s looking at him like he’s crazy, but it’s the truth, she has to see that, he has to make her see that.

“Why?” She finally asks, after a too-long moment of silence that made Danny think his world was about to end. “Why do you want me to stay, Danny? Why would any of you? Everything I did, the lies- I can’t expect you to all move past it,” Catherine admits, confusion coloring her voice.

“Steve ain’t the only one who missed you, okay?” He sounds mad, he knows, but he can’t control that right now, has to make her see. “And yeah, we’re all angry. Hell, I’m so mad at you, I’m amazed I can even speak to you right now,” he tells her, registering the hurt that washes over her face. “But I missed you, Cath, I missed you so much, and I need you here, we all do, Chin and Kono and everyone, we need you. But Steve? Jesus, babe, he needs you more,” he’s rambling, he knows, squeezing her hand like it’ll keep her tied to him, but she needs to understand. “He can’t go through that again, Catherine. If you leave, there’s no coming back from it, for all of us,” Danny can hear the weariness creeping back into his voice, but he keeps his eyes on Catherine as he finishes, “So stay, okay? You say this is your home, then stay, here, with Steve, with Five-Oh, with us. Just stay.”

Catherine lets out a sob as soon as he’s finished, head tipping forward as her shoulders start shaking. The cries rip out of her, harsh sounding and strangled, and Danny’s careful as he uses his free hand to draw her closer, letting her rest her head against his shoulder. He doesn’t know long they stay like that, clutching at each other’s hands like a lifeline, rubbing soothing circles between her shoulder blades, mindful that she must have bruises hidden under her clothes as well. It’s long enough for her tears to run dry, rattling gasps replacing them as she tries to get air back down her bruised windpipe; long enough for Danny to feel some of his anger slip away, the emotion presenting and dissipating after his speech; long enough for the sun to sink down closer to the horizon, casting pink and orange light over Steve’s backyard.

“I’m sorry,” Catherine says, voice small and broken, lifting her head up to meet his eyes. She looks vulnerable, red-wet eyes and tear stains over bruises, younger than she’s ever seemed, but Danny thinks she’s still one of the most beautiful women he’s met.

“For what?” He asks, and fuck if that isn’t a loaded question. He doesn’t follow it up, leaves it like it is, fairly sure that she won’t think he’s trying to be an ass, not after that.

“For leaving. For the lies,” she replies, gaze falling away from his and resting on his shoulder, lips quirking up in an honest to god smile. “For your shirt, too,” Cath says, voice lighter as she looks back up at him, and Danny can’t help the laugh as he looks down at the wet patches down his front.

“Yeah, well, I got a kid. Nothing I’m not used to,” he quips back, smiling back at her when she hesitantly lets her’s grow, and it’s good. It’s a start, he thinks, thumb rubbing gently against her hand, hoping she gets it. “I can’t say it’s okay, but it’s a start, alright? I promise,” he says, and he means it, needs to verbalize it because he needs her to know. Danny holds Catherine’s gaze until she nods at him, squeezing his hand carefully, and he’d be lying if he said he wasn’t relieved.

They lapse back into silence, but it’s comfortable this time around, not strained. Danny’s not waiting for it to stretch too thin, not waiting for anything but Catherine, and for Steve, he thinks, he could wait for Catherine all damn night. The sun’s half gone by the time she looks over shoulder at the house, hunching in on herself when she turns back to Danny, eyes sad.

“I don’t know if he’ll ever trust me again, Danny. And I don’t blame him.”

\--

Steve wakes up to quiet and darkness, his knees stiff from being bent, his body’s frame too big for the couch. He doesn’t remember falling asleep here, doesn’t remember falling asleep at all, just remembers-

“Catherine?” He calls out as he sits up, swinging his feet to the ground and rubbing a hand over his face, eyes blinking to adjust to the dim lighting. He stands slowly, unsure of what to do when he hears noise in the kitchen- he doesn’t know if he’s ready to talk to her again, not this soon, not like this.

“Hey, babe, you’re up,” Danny’s voice is soft, smile wan, looking rumpled around the edges as he walks towards Steve. “Sit back down, okay? Let’s talk,” he says, not a question but not a demand, and Jesus, he sounds as tired as Steve still feels.

“Is she…” Steve trails off, can’t bear to finish the question aloud. _Is she still here? Is she gone again? Is she staying?_ Danny heaves a sigh as he sits down next to his partner, tipping his head back against the couch and staring up at the ceiling.

“She’s upstairs, I finally got her to go to bed. I don’t think she’s really slept in a while,” Danny admits, lifting his head and turning slightly, steady blue finally meeting Steve’s gaze. “Turn on that lamp, will you, we’re not cavemen, please,” and Steve lets out a huff of a laugh, more breath than sound, but he sees the relieved look on his friend’s face as he twists around to flick it on.

“I don’t know what to say to her,” he admits, soft, settling back against the couch. Danny lets out a slow breath, nodding slowly.

“Yeah, I’d say that’s pretty understandable. What’d you talk about, before your, ah, nap?”

“What happened to her, first,” Steve shuts his eyes briefly, shuddering as he remembers the words spilling out of her cracked lips, details painted on her face for the world to see. “That she’s done now, quit. That she came back because she didn’t know where else to go.”

Danny rubs a hand over his face before reaching out, gently squeezing Steve’s forearm, looking at him with such an unreadable face that it makes Steve wonder if he’s been getting lessons from Chin. He almost smiles at the thought, lets himself look back instead.

“I am going to ask this once, okay?” Danny starts, and Christ, Steve thinks, this is going to be painful. “Just once, because I love you and I’m not trying to rip any stitches out but this is important, so I need you to listen. Can you do that, Steven, please?” Danny’s smiling a little, and it makes him relax, makes him smile back and shake his head.

“Yes, you ass, I can do that. Gotta listen to you every day, don’t I?” Steve grins wider at his partner’s groan, and it’s easy to pretend, for a minute, that it’s just another Thursday night after work.

The pretense slips away quick, sudden, in no more than the time it takes for Danny’s laugh to die down into a broken sigh.

“Do you care if she stays?” He asks, slow and careful, like he’s talking to a wounded animal. Steve knows his friend isn’t judging, isn’t being cruel, but it doesn’t lessen the sting. His reaction is immediate, visceral, heart jumping into his throat and muscles tensing, a hollow ache forming in his chest as he thinks about her disappearing again.

“ _Yes_ ,” he insists, hand curling into a fist against the back of the couch, and he almost can’t take it when Danny rubs his thumb over his arm, making a soothing sound in his throat. “God, yes, I care, of course I care. I haven’t stopped caring no matter how hard I try, Danny, I don’t know how to stop.” Steve knows he sounds a little hurt, a little desperate, but hey, if you can’t be honest with your best friend, who the hell else you gonna be honest with?

“That’s okay,” Danny tells him, and he sounds like he means it, like it’s true, and Steve hopes wildly that it is. He’s so confused, he’s so tired, and he’s angry, but he doesn’t want her to leave. Danny looks like he gets it, and maybe, he thinks, a brief thought of Rachel passing through his mind, maybe his partner really does.

They stay quiet like that for a while, Danny with his hand on Steve’s arm, grounding him, anchoring him, thumb rubbing in small circles to soothe his frayed nerves. It’s rare, this quiet, but it’s what he needs; Danny’s always good at giving Steve what he needs.

“Hey, super SEAL,” Danny says, amused and soft, and when did Steve close his eyes? He blinks them open slow, a little disoriented, sees his friend grinning at him fondly. “I’m gonna head out, alright? Been a real long day and we both should go sleep in an actual bed now.” He squeezes Steve’s arm, waiting for him to nod, smile softening until it’s almost gone.

“What?” he asks, voice raspy, equal parts cautious and curious. He’ll be okay when Danny leaves, and Danny knows that, too, he’s sure. He waits it out, though, watches his partner until he’s ready to speak again, gives him all the patience that he’s gotten in return.

“She wants to be here, with you. With all of us,” Danny tells him, serious, and Steve feels his heartbeat go a little unsteady at the words. “Talk to her. Take all the time you need, okay? Trust me, the talk her and I had, Cath ain’t going anywhere unless you tell her to.”

Steve trusts him, of course he does, trusts Danny with everything that he has.

But it doesn’t make him any less scared.

“Babe,” Danny’s voice is softer, now, tired smile back on his face, reaching his hand out to cup Steve’s jaw, and God does it feel good to just lean into the touch. “I support whatever choice you make, but you gotta make it. No matter what, we’ll all still be here when you’re done.”

“I know, Danno,” Steve tired, knows he sounds it, but he doesn’t lean away from the shorter man’s hand, needs the comfort for just a moment longer. “Thank you,” he whispers, and the words fall between them, not enough to convey what he wants, but Steve thinks Danny gets it.

“Don’t thank me, you schmuck, it’s what friends do, you don’t gotta thank me for it,” Danny’s smiling wide now, voice fond and exasperated, and Steve can smile back honestly as he straightens up. They’re both slow to stand, joints and muscles unforgiving, quiet and weary, but Steve still feels a hundred times better than when he’d first woken up on his couch.

“I love you, you know?” Danny’s halfway out the door when Steve speaks but he stops, turns back with a look wrapped into a smile, the one reserved for Steve, his _you’re a moron, you fucker_ smile.

“I know, Steve. I love you, too,” he says back, easy, and it makes something loosen in Steve’s chest. “Look, don’t come into work tomorrow. I’ll text Kono and Chin and Lou, we’ll all take it off. Let me know if there’s anything you need, okay?”

“Yeah, I will, promise,” and he means it. The door clicks shut behind Danny, and Steve makes sure to lock it before arming his security system. He makes a slow loop through the first floor, locking the patio doors and cracking the windows, ghost of a smile stretching his smile when one of Gracie’s old drawings on the fridge catches his eye.

He stops at the base of the stairs. Steve thinks he should be more scared, now, but it just feels inevitable, like everything that’s happened since Catherine left has been shaping up to this moment.

He blows out a breath, and begins the climb.

\--

He wants to hate her for being here, in his bed, in his home, already creeping back into his heart. Seve wants to hate her, but then she lets out a pained cry and twists in his sheets, and he feels the raw emotion slip away.

“Cath? You’re safe, I promise,” he keeps his voice soothing, gentle, trying not to spook her as he moves closer. “Wake up, please, I promise it’s just me, it’s Steve, you’re okay,” he says, sitting slowly on the edge of the bed. It takes a couple more minutes of coaxing words to get her out of it, chest heaving as she bolts up, hand sliding under the pillow for a weapon that isn’t there. Steve keeps still, gives her the time to reorient herself, and he sees the exact moment the memories all slide back into place. Catherine’s grimacing as she makes to stand, heaving herself off with a bitten off whimper, and Steve can’t stand to see her like this.

“I’m sorry,” Catherine tells him, standing small and uneasy next to his bed, voice quiet. “I’ll go, I can get a hotel, we can talk more tomorrow.” She sounds a mess, looks worse, and fuck if he isn’t angry with her, but he’s so tired of watching her walk away.

“Stay,” his voice surprises her, surprises them both, but he doesn’t let it show, just waits for her wide eyes to meet his gaze before slowly reaching a hand out, curling loosely around her undamaged wrist. “Please, Catherine, stay. We can talk in the morning, okay?” Steve doesn’t know if she’ll agree but he has to try, has to get this all out, and he pushes on when she opens her mouth. “You can sleep in here and I’ll take the guest room, or you can take it, just, please,” his voice is faltering now, and he closes his eyes, lets his fingers rub across her pulse just to hear her breath hitch, just like he always used to do. “Please, don’t leave.”

“Okay,” her voice is weak, still, but it cuts through the silence like the crack of a bullet, and Steve can’t find the way his shoulders sag in relief. Cath shifts her weight as he opens his eyes, and it’s only then that he notices she’s still in her jeans, her whole outfit from earlier, just with her boots off now. He lets go of her wrist as he stands, slow, trying not to startle her, and Steve’s too tired to pretend that he doesn’t miss the way her skin feels against his.

“Let me get you something else to wear, okay?” They both know it’s not a real question, but he still waits for her to nod, corners of her mouth ticking up briefly in thanks, before walking over to his dresser, pulling out a baggy t-shirt and a pair of her shorts he never did get around to getting rid of. “You need help?” he asks, eyes dropping down to the brace around Catherine’s other arm, but he accepts it when she says no and disappears into the bathroom. Steve sinks down onto his bed, resting his head in his hands as he tries to make sense of it, but there’s a low pounding behind his eyes that’s playing hell on his concentration.

“Steve?” Cath’s voice cuts through the haze, sounding uncertain and hesitant, and he thinks, as he opens his eyes to look at her, that he hates that she sounds like this around him now. She’s standing by his dresser, her clothes folded neat and stacked on top, eyes trained on him as he watches her inhale, exhale, repeat. “Can we- can we share, please? I can’t…” Catherine trails off, and even in the dim moonlight Steve can see the blush blotching her cheeks, humiliation creeping into her hoarse voice, but he thinks he understand what she’s asking. He remembers clinging to Danny’s arm when they’d come back to the island after North Korea, remembers his friend staying at his house for three days until he felt safe alone again, and his smile might feel fragile but at least it’s sincere as he looks back up at her.

"Yeah, Cath. We can share,” he tells her, soft and easy, because he sure as hell isn’t here to judge her, not for this. It’s some kind of surreal as they get under the covers and arrange themselves, Cath’s injured arm wresting on top of his comforter. She’s back, in his home, in his bed, but it’s not in any type of capacity Steve would have ever imagined. “Goodnight, Cath,” he whispers into the space between them, and it feels less like the ocean it was when she first showed up on his doorstep. It feels more like a promise, now, tentative and raw, shaky at best, but a promise nonetheless. Her eyes are drooping, body eager to relax into the sheets, but the second she hears his voice he can see her struggling to fight the wave of unconsciousness that’s threatening to drag her under.

“Thank you,” she whispers back, in her broken voice from her broken mouth, eyes fluttering even as they try to find his, and Steve’s heart earns another crack when he reaches out to gently stroke an unmarked spot on her jaw.

“I’ll still be here in the morning,” he promises, soft, and her eyes fall shut as she leans into his knuckles. Steve pulls away slow as he watches her sink further into the mattress, her body unwinding in a way he’s certain it hasn’t in a long time.

“Me too,” Catherine slurs, and her eyes stay shut but her hand twitches towards the heat of his body like a homing beacon. “I’ll be here, too,” she breathes out, and then she’s gone, asleep before Steve can even catch his breath.

\--

Steve isn’t surprised when he’s the first one to wake up. His clock reads 5:24am, and he thinks, briefly, about how on a normal day he’d already be downstairs, walking down to the ocean for a swim. His eyes fall to Catherine, then, looking small and vulnerable in his sheets, and he remembers how nothing about this day is going to be normal.

He still loves her.

It’s there, in the back of his throat, in the grooves of his fingers that itch to reach out, to touch, to make sure that she’s real. It’s there in the way her hair falls over his pillow in tangles, shorter than the last time he’d seen her, looking the same as when he’d first moved back. It’s there in the way he doesn’t trust her, can’t trust her yet, but he’d still put his life in her hands with the faith that she wouldn’t let him die.

They’ll talk, when Catherine wakes up. They need to talk, more, about her, about him, about them. Steve doesn’t want to see her go, and after last night with Danny he’s pretty sure that she won’t, but he needs to know, needs to hear it direct from her. But, not now, not when the clock reads 5:32 and Cath is still unconscious in the way that marks a person as a survivor. Steve settles back in, body loosening again, content to stay here and pretend for a little longer that it’s just another normal morning.  

Catherine sleeps on, peaceful, safe. Steve just waits for her.

It’s something he thinks he could start doing again.

\--

In a year, things will be different. Steve’s house will become their house, and he’ll have a ring box tucked in with the Christmas decorations, waiting for the right time to fish it out.

In a year, she’ll be back working with Five-Oh, with her family, and no one will question her loyalty. Cath will go to weekly dinners, movie nights, holiday barbecues, and there will be no awkward silences or sudden shifts in tension.

In a year, Danny will stop waiting for the shoe to drop, and Kono will no longer feel the need to ask if Catherine has travel plans every other week. Chin won’t have to ask for her food or coffee order anymore, and Grace will start calling her ‘Aunt Cath’ again.

In a year, Steve will ask if she’s happy, out of the blue and sudden, finishing their Longboards out on the lanai while she leans into his side. Catherine will laugh and nuzzle her cheek into his chest, voice fond as she tells him he’s a goof, but she’ll look up with a smile and promise that she is.

In a year, Steve will believe her.

But now, Catherine is content with the way things are. No one trusts her, not like they once did, but they trust the intel and research she can give them. Danny brings Grace when she hosts a small housewarming party, after the bruises have faded and her wrist has healed, and Kono asks if she wants to have a surf day the next week. Chin hugs her like he means it, pretends he doesn’t notice when she tears up, just smiles and squeezes her again. Lou and Max both insist on bringing food to help out, and her little rental doesn’t feel nearly so lonely when Kamekona brings up the rear.

Steve spends the night without her having to ask, and when he slides his arm around her waist, Catherine swears it finally feels like home again.

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this!! Kudos are lovely, comments are wonderful, and please come yell with (or at) me on [Tumblr!](https://nevershootamockingbird.tumblr.com)


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